words cannot express

the love and sorrow that i am simultaneously overwhelmed with ...

melancholy tuesday

sometimes i try not to be disappointed.
i know that sometimes my expectations are too high.
the universe does not revolve around me.

the rain gets under my skin.
being sick makes me feel isolated...
but if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it
does it even make a sound?

the summer is gone
and the pressure is building.
i should be looking inward
not the other way around.
something seems to be missing.
dropped or let-go.

maybe it is just hormones.
or maybe it the season.

it's not nearly as dark as in finland right now.
but i still can't help feeling down.

i think it is time for bed.

just focus



on the most important things.







period.

2 things i know forsure

1) i need 8 hours of sleep. no more, no less. eight. i need to go to bed 8 hours prior to the time i want to wake-up.
2) i need 1 hour to move my body outside. rain or shine. winter or summer. preferably in the morning.

focus on the whole

the thought occurred to me. perhaps there is a reason i have such a hard time finding balance? perhaps i am not a balanced person - or at least not a person inclined to balance. yesteday a bunch of people ran a marathon - the same one i ran last year. today i went for a 3 mile walk in the rain and it was the most activity i've had in while. i am in awe at how drastically my body changes with the change of my focus. i have put as much time this year into my craft & my business as i put last year into training. perhaps i am just at a critical point in my career and it requires this much sacrifice. but i have made lists...... every year around the same time (usually new years) and the list includes the elements of my life that i need to put in balance. each year the list is the same. i'm starting to think i need to either cut something off the list - OR - quit thinking of them as separate things. if i instead focus on the common elements that connect them together, maybe it will be easier to feel less scattered and more whole? the whole is often more than the sum of its parts. this is why it is important to exercise - it clears my head and allows me to think differently, see clearly and become more creative. two separate items on that list just got a little closer.

apparently....

apparently balance requires more than simply saying things out loud. granted, i've been so busy. extra busy. more busy than usual. one thing after another they come at me. i suppose i'm the one committing to them, but i have to think of it as "going to work" - that room down in the basement is my office. i don't have a time-clock, but i need to punch-in if i'm going to make it. i have so many dates in my head, i've been doing things like watching twin cities live a week early, or sending birthday wishes to a friend a MONTH in advance..... at least i'm on the safe side ;) but seriously, i've got dates in my head. lotsa dates. sept 28th, 29th. oct 1st, 9th, 13th, 15th, 17th, 23rd, 26th, 30th. nov 6th, 12th, 14th, 18th -- and even then i'm probably forgetting something.

i think it is simply time for me to go to bed before midnight for once... here i go.

balance

everything is the same. it all takes committment and time and energy and focus. relationships, mothering, work, creativity, skill, physical fitness, health, nutrition. nothing is really easy - maybe love, but even that gets complicated by all the other stuff.

i went biking today with my little sister. i went running yesterday. i walked the day before that. i am out of shape, and i knew that. i also know that it won't take much to get back on track if just move forward. i am moving my body instead of just my moving my brain - or my business. it all has to happen all the time. simultaneously. harmoneously - balanced. how can i do that? how am i going to do that? i've been able to do so much for my business this summer because i've negelected certain other things. and it's not like i need to train for a marathon - i get that. but i do need to find balance. i need to write my recipe with the right quantities. i know that. i've always known that. i'm just hoping it will help to say it outloud. to the 3 of you who sometimes read this.